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EQ & Interpersonal

Ways to be kinder, have better relationships, and annoy people less (everyone is a bit annoying, it's okay)

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'Apartners' - what it's like to live apart from your husband or wife

On living apart from your spouse

It’s really nice knowing that, every time you see your partner, it’s because they made the choice to be with you, not just because they happened to be in the same physical location by chance anyway.

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Photo of Author Dave Farland. Not everything is fixable, and that's better than the alternative.

It's okay that not everything is fixable

There's a fallacy that if we can define the solution space, a solution must exist that fits there. But the fundamental problem was, "Dave is dead."

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Chronos is clock time, whereas kairos is living time.

Chronos vs Kairos: Understanding how the Ancient Greeks viewed time will make your life richer

“Chronos” is measured and counted, while “kairos” is lived and experienced

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Is it cowardly to break up with someone via text? (No)

Is it cowardly to break up with someone via text? (No)

A text break-up is a sign that one person did not trust the other (good reason to break up, hey). Why would you automatically assume that mistrust was irrational?

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On favour-sharking (emotional loan-sharking)

On favour-sharking (emotional loan-sharking)

Favour-sharking is when someone does a favour for you totally unasked for and possibly unwanted, in order to make you feel obligated to them.

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Expanders: People who expand your sense of what's possible in a life

Expanders: People who expand your sense of what's possible in a life

They're not necessarily role models - you might not want to be like them in a lot of ways - but when you meet them you realise your life could be a bit bigger.

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"How do you know when you're actually right about something and it's not just hubris and confirmation bias?"

"How do you know when you're actually right about something and it's not just hubris and confirmation bias?"

You never know you're right, you just settle into a state of "this is how it looks to me at the moment"

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"If it's rude to interrupt, how do you politely interrupt someone who (rudely) interrupts/talks over you?"

"If it's rude to interrupt, how do you politely interrupt someone who (rudely) interrupts/talks over you?"

It's part of a bigger question of, "when someone breaks the social contract, how do you operate in the new, broken environment?"

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When teaching someone how to do something, tell them how to do it badly

When teaching someone how to do something, tell them how to do it badly

Whenever you can't do something exactly as you should, when something has to give, you need the expert to tell you what to prioritise and what to do 'badly'.

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Wanting something is only barely related to enjoying something

Wanting something is only barely related to enjoying something

The brain system that makes you feel an urge to get something - whether that's food, seeing friends, a cigarette - is separate from system of enjoying something.

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“Be yourself” is terrible advice

“Be yourself” is terrible advice

The story of someone who thought of themselves as a provocateur who was just being their authentic self, and then realised they were just being an asshole and should stop it.

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Technically parenting advice but mainly intended as insight into your own childhoods

Technically parenting advice but mainly intended as insight into your own childhoods

Kids are learning emotional literacy, and mislabelling emotions is confusing and makes it harder to process them.

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How to tell someone their loved one has died

How to tell someone their loved one has died

At the start of the conversation, say "I've got some really sad news about [Person] I'm afraid."

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"Don't ask a question if the answer won't change your behaviour"

"Don't ask a question if the answer won't change your behaviour"

I think it's also a sign that you're circling and seeking more information to put off making a decision.

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Write your future self an email with FutureMe

Write your future self an email with FutureMe

Write yourself an email when you've just accomplished something so later you can remember and remember how proud you were then (it's so easy to normalise level ups in your life).

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What we get wrong about fame

What we get wrong about fame

There are two requirements: a local requirement (a spark), and a global requirement (the ability of the fire to spread).

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Just because something ends doesn't means it failed: a poem

Just because something ends doesn't means it failed: a poem

Everyone forgets that Icarus also flew

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When someone asks you for a rough estimate and you don't have one

When someone asks you for a rough estimate and you don't have one

It's super frustrating when you have *literally* no clue and the better-informed person refuses to even hint at what the range might be.

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Trying not to get your hopes up: Y/N?

Trying not to get your hopes up: Y/N?

There is nothing protective about pessimism.

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Why perfectly nice people say things they don't mean

Why perfectly nice people say things they don't mean

Some people say "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help?" and what they mean is "the thing you just told me is really sad, and I am feeling, in the present tense, a strong emotion of caring about you"

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You will probably never feel brave or interesting or mysterious

You will probably never feel brave or interesting or mysterious

what you feel when you're being brave is: scared. You will actually probably feel weaker and shakier than when you're not doing anything particularly brave.

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How to remember a thought you have while someone is talking so you can bring it up afterwards (rather than derailing them)

How to remember a thought you have while someone is talking so you can bring it up afterwards (rather than derailing them)

Conversational pins! I use this constantly, and I take it so much for granted that I almost never tell people about it, even though it is one of the most practical things I use.

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"What to do when you and your domestic partner have wholly different eating habits?"

"What to do when you and your domestic partner have wholly different eating habits?"

It seems to me this question is not really about food. Because no one writes in for advice on simple scheduling issues.

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Thoughts don't create actions. Thoughts create emotions, emotions create actions.

Thoughts don't create actions. Thoughts create emotions, emotions create actions.

You think that if you don't be a bit harsh with yourself when you genuinely mess up then you'll let yourself get away with it in future, etc, etc.

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Mental health tips from babies

Mental health tips from babies

You have to remember that you're probably as strongly affected by tiredness as the kid throwing an absolute tantrum.